


Spideypool Bingo 2019: G4 Locked in a Closet

by ChibisUnleashed



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: AKA they're fine, But honestly what parents don't?, But like Stranger Things style child endangerment, Crack, Fluff, I couldn't keep all the curses out of it so it's rated for language again, I guess child endangerment, I wouldn't hurt the kids, Little bit of gun safety, M/M, Peter and Wade have kids, Questionable Parenting Skills, The children are fine, Which is to say the parents are questioning themselves, if you know what i mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 21:21:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20365282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChibisUnleashed/pseuds/ChibisUnleashed
Summary: After slugs in Wade's pants and play dough in unmentionable places, Peter and Wade just needed a minute, okay?





	Spideypool Bingo 2019: G4 Locked in a Closet

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Spideypool Bingo 2019 organizers! <3

It had become the usual ruse when one of them just needed a minute to think. 

Their kids were amazing, and they wouldn't trade Ben or Cher for anything, but there was no being prepared for kids, and kids were a full time job.

Hide and seek was easy enough to play and kept the house moderately quiet for thirty minutes or so until the kids got bored again. Peter and Wade took turns hiding in the hall closet and locking the door shut behind them, so that even if they were checked for, they couldn't actually be found.

It was Peter's turn, which made it something of a surprise when Wade slipped inside and sat on his lap.

“Wait, hold up, no,” Peter said, shoving Wade back toward the door, “nope, not happening, no.”

Wade pushed back, with his whole body weight, so it was a good thing Peter was as strong as he was, “I had a really hard day yesterday, remember? Trying to get all those slug bits out of my costume pants? I need this.”

“I need this, too!” Peter insisted, putting both hands on Wade’s ass because, truthfully, it was the most effective place to push from. Everything else about it was bonus. “I have attended every single play date this week  _ and  _ maintained patrolling the neighborhood and  _ do you remember  _ where the _ play dough  _ ended up last Tuesday? Because _ I do.”  _

“Fine,” Wade conceded, and Peter thought he’d won except, “We both fit. Let me sit.”

“Wade! That leaves the children unattended! We can’t-”

An innocent creak from a soft spot in the floor just outside sounded, and both men immediately turned to the door in silence.

“Hurry, hurry!” Wade whispered fervently, “Lock the door! Lock the door!”

Peter didn’t think past the panic of being found so soon. He webbed the damn handle to the door frame and held his breath.

By the time they heard a giggle down the hall that let them know the danger had passed, Wade had somehow settled himself comfortably in Peter’s lap and set up a flashlight to see by. 

“Well, this is cozy.”

“Wade, this is so irresponsible,” Peter sighed. It was a token objection; he’d already given up and rested his head back against the wall of the closet. 

“It’s not  _ that  _ bad,” Wade started shuffling through the puzzle books on the shelf for something to do, “All of my guns are unloaded, in at least two pieces, and locked in a safe where they can’t reach. We’re good parents!”

Peter closed his eyes, “And the cooking knives are still in the knife block, the pain killers are still in the medicine cabinet, and our razors are just on a high shelf.”

“With caps on them!” Wade insisted, “And look, all the cleaning supplies they could drink are in here with us!”

Peter wasn’t convinced, but he was also very tired, “One of us should be out there with them.”

“I ain’t no helicopter parent.”

...Peter opened one eye to stare Wade down. 

“Well fine,” Wade huffed and gestured to the door, “You’re welcome to go out there, but they’re not gonna wanna play this game again until  _ at least  _ tomorrow and by then you might be homicidal.”

Peter snorted a laugh, “You’re thinking of you.”

“I’m also thinking of you-” the creak sounded again, and Wade snapped his mouth shut to stare at the shadow in the light underneath the door.

A high voice sounded, and it was Ben, definitely Ben, “Are you in there?” 

The full grown adults inside held their breath in fear. They hadn’t had even a second to relax yet and the game could be over already. And then Wade spoke.

“...No.” 

The shadow receded and the child’s voice went with it, “I wonder where they could be.” 

Wade gave it thirty seconds, “Peter, we need to get our child tutoring.” 

"Wade, I am one hundred percent sure our child is just fucking with you," Peter sighed.

“In that case, they’re smart. They’ll be fine,” Wade said. He leaned against the shelf and looked for all the world as if he intended to stay there a while. 

Peter couldn’t fault it. The truth was, their kids knew what places were off limits, most of the dangerous things were child-proofed to the best of their ability, and they really did need a break. Even if it was only going to last a couple of minutes, Peter needed to relax his shoulders and hurry his recharge along or else why were they doing this in the first place?

The quiet was reassuringly interrupted here and there by the stomping of tiny feet and the giggle of kids at play. Cher shrieked at one point, which must have meant Ben found her and it was his turn to hide. The muffled sound went on for a while, and Peter found himself lightly dozing against the back wall when Wade’s voice brought him back to alert.

Wade was leaned close to the door when he said, "Is it just me, or is it way too quiet out there?"

He looked at Peter, who looked back at him.

They rushed forward together, "Open the door! Open the door!"


End file.
